Through a Book and Glass

Blending a cup of watermelon with an ounce and a half of liquor simply tastes like blended watermelon.

Sex, soma and suicide. By Ford, that about sums it up.

Love in the Time of Kahlúa is a White Cuban presented with a little literary license. There’s no need to have cholera to love this libidinous libation.

Love is an acute illness caused by infection of the heart with the bacterium Ignitio amorae. The amorae bacterium is usually found in cities and rural areas. Currently, there are no vaccines available.

The marriage of rye whiskey with grapefruit juice distills the pretentiousness of Mr. Collins and the vanity of Miss Caroline Bingley. It represents Mr. Darcy of the ball rather than the gentleman at Pemberly.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have an everlasting wife.

Champagne, grenadine and ice create an adult Shirley Temple that makes Ethan Frome’s second sled run worth the consequences. A worthy celebratory drink to usher in a new year.

The color is a stifling winter white accented with a youthful hue. Its body is sickly, revealing sadness, resignation, loneliness, resentment and a hint of pickled anger. Fragrant with elm, the seductive blond notes combine with aging bitterness and masculine duty in a subtle, rich narrative, paced gracefully to an austere finish and a tremendous hangover.

Rub a lime around the rim of a chilled glass. Dip the rim in chili lime powder. Mix the rest of the ingredients, add to the glass with ice. Top with beer.

A big nurse and a con man walk into bar. The bartender says, “I’ve got the cure for what ails ya.” The con man says, “I’ll have Sex With Candy.” The nurse replies, “No. He’ll have a Lobotomy.” But instead the bartender serves a Cosmopolitan. Go figure.

Infuse two people with insecurity. Season each liberally with expectations and assumptions. Knead until tender. Mix with stress. Bake in the heat of a fight for control until painful to touch. Serve raw when a firm callus of anger, hurt, resentment and selfishness appears. Add tears to taste.